Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
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