Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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