put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
There r osticjed everywhere
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
