Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
