He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
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She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
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after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
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