Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
