So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
