His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
