AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
