haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
