Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
