Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
