The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
