You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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