i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Randomize
