just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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