We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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