I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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