he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
