i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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