I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
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