today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
