It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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