I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
