Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
