That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot how hot balto sounded
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize