I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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