were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
