so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
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