Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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