I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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