I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
sarcasm needs its own font
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
