Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
