we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I enjoy the company of your penis
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