i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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