rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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