3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
