I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
