I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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