I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
