How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just want nice things and good sex
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
