Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
