she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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