Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
