I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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