Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
