Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize