I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
