ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
