My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
