He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
