so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
A+ Viking dick
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
