the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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