Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
