he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Randomize
