I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Randomize
