I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
