Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
