the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
