with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
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