btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
