So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
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Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
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if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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