yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
