Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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