I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
