i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
