I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize