I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
