Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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