perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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