Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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