I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
