Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
