At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
