he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
