I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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