Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize