I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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