i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
