This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
