i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
How does one acquire holy water?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
