bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
